People I Miss But They Are Already in Heaven
Heaven is an eternal dwelling for the chosen ones and not a day goes by where I do not pray for you to be in it. I miss you.
December 30, 2018
You had been sick for a few months. On a fine day, you sat on the couch facing the porch. You would have a casual conversation with your children and grandchildren who visited.
On a bad day, you couldn’t do anything and became delirious. You would call every name that came to you and ask if the person would recite Al-Quran for you.
On one of those days, we realized that the time was near. Then, death took you away from us just a few days before the new year.
You were gone at night.
My grandmother, the person who said, “I will pray for your illness to disappear in front of Kaaba. That’s my priority.” The one who stood up for me when I got bullied or yelled. The one who sewn my clothes and gave me pocket money. The one who bought me barbie and their clothes, cooking toys, and a lot of food. The one whose smell made me feel safe at night whenever she stayed over at our house. Yes, that one person had gone on December 30, 2018. A few days after telling her I got my first job.
How could you always say you wanted to see me succeed but you left me before I even got my first salary? I wanted to treat you too. I wanted to buy you food, clothes, anything! Come back!
Grandma, I miss you dearly.
March 5, 2021
Death is scary. It always leaves me numb and speechless. The night Grandma from Mom’s side passed away, I was scared, but I couldn’t cry. In the morning, after I kissed her forehead, I wanted to cry, but Mom said I shouldn’t.
Before her passing, my other Grandma (from Dad’s side) had fallen ill. She was so thin I could see her veins and bones. My Grandpa, on the other hand, was healthy. He did what he always does (Subh prayer, taking care of his sheep, his land properties, gardens, and making sure he spent some time with his grandchildren, even checking on me too — I did online teaching from home due to the pandemic in 2021). He was always so energetic. In all honesty, we all thought Grandma would leave us soon.
Then, the new year came.
Then, January was over.
Then, it was February. Grandma slowly recovered, but Grandpa had lost his strength. It was scary — terrifying — to see someone who used to be so active suddenly couldn’t do anything. I saw it in his eyes. He was scared too. He knew death was coming after him. I knew he could feel it, and he was scared. He slowly lost his purpose.
When age took his strength, he told Grandma he wanted to die first, not her. She said, “Why? I don’t want to be alone without you,” he replied, “You have your kids and grandkids. You can live with them. If you leave me first, I can’t survive. I can’t live without you.”
And, you kept your words. You left all of us on March 5, 2021. After taking your body, age took your mind and soul.
You also left me. What should I do with all of our memories? I don’t want to forget them, but thinking about your old bike, gardens, sheep, your favorite spot on the floor where you used to nap every afternoon, makes me numb.
I was teaching students online from my bedroom. Nobody knocked on my door. Not a single person. When I finished teaching, I was told you were gone! You always said that I was the smartest, but I was dumb enough to not be by your side. I’m sorry.
Grandpa, I miss you so bad.
